Kirsten is an 18-inch tall girl from Sweden who grew up on the American frontier. Now she pretty much stays home all day and watches talk shows. It's a life of quiet dignity.

One day, I was astonished to see Kirsten focusing intently on her slate. Was she trying to better herself with education? Could Kirsten someday become the world's smartest 18-inch tall girl from Sweden?

Kirsten proudly showed me her work.

"See?" Kirsten said. "It's a visual birthday list! I drew my fishing set in, too, but you don't have to buy it for me. Although, I am your favorite American Girl doll, so it would be a nice gesture. Don't forget, you never ever gave me a birthday party before!"

"You spelled 'summer' wrong, Kirsten," I said.

"But isn't Sari cute?" Kirsten asked. "And the tiny little heart?"

When it became clear that I wasn't going to buy Kirsten things just because she drew them on her slate, Kirsten stormed off in a huff, and took a trip to visit her best friend, Evil Kirsten.

"Hi, Evil Kirsten!" Kirsten said. "Your dress is a little short!"

Evil Kirsten looked at Kirsten accusingly.

"Well, mine's a little short too," Kirsten admited. "But her nice mama made it for me," she continued, using the particularly spiteful voice she reserved for talking about me. "That was a LONG time ago, when that evil lady who won't buy me anything was just a cheap little girl. And dresses were shorter back then. Her nice mama followed the pattern perfectly, so that's the only explanation!"

Evil Kirsten just nodded.

Regular Kirsten sighed. "I want a new dress so much, but that cheap lady won't get me one! I tried begging, and drawing pictures, and hiding her toothpaste, and jumping on her bed all night. But she won't buy me anything! What can I do?"

Evil Kirsten grinned wickedly and gave her advice.

"Steal her wallet?" Kirsten asked. "Well, you're my only friend, so you must be right!" And she did what Evil Kirsten told her to.

Once she'd been through my purse, Kirsten went to the computer.

"I never would've reached the mouse if I didn't have this wallet to stand on!" Kirsten said. "Thanks, Evil Kirsten!"

Ever determined, Kirsten navigated to the American Girl website and looked around, putting everything she wanted in her shopping bag.

(It says $249.00. She actually doesn't want that much, at least not compared to some people. Or some dolls.)

"Oh, Kirsten!" I called cheerfully, bringing in some packages from the Outside World.

"Wow!" Kirsten said. "That was quick. I didn't even tell it to Checkout yet!" She ran over to greet me.

"Welcome home!" Kirsten said, waving in excitement.

"Look what I bought you!" I said.

"Wow!" Kirsten said. "It's almost as good as what I ordered!"

"What?" I asked flatly.

Kirsten ran over to hug the new acquisition. "It's great! Another doll! Hey...wait a minute!"

Kirsten screamed.

"Okay, okay, it's a dress of Addy's, and I only bought it because it was on sale," I apologized.

"No, not that!" Kirsten yelled. "She doesn't have a head! And no arms! And only one leg!"

"She? Oh, Kirsten, it's a Dress Form!" I said. "The surprise was the dress!"

"What?" Kirsten asked.

"I bought that dress for you to wear!"

Kirsten stared at me in disbelief. "So...you bought a poor doll that had a terrible accident and has no head and no arms and only one leg...and now you want me to steal her clothes?"

"Kirsten, I didn't--"

"What kind of a sick monster are you?!" Kirsten bellowed.

"Put the ruler down, Kirsten," I said, backing away, for fear she'd break my kneecaps. "I thought you'd like it!"

"Why did you think I'd enjoy taking a dress from a poor defenseless broken doll?" Kirsten yelled. "Who do I look like? Evil Kirsten?"

"Okay, okay," I said. "Would it be all right if you let the dress form wear one of your dresses?"

Kirsten looked long and hard at the pretty striped dress, and finally nodded.

"I think Pegleg Sally looks happier in a pink dress," Kirsten said. "Don't you? It really shows off her ankle."

"She's lovely, Kirsten," I said.

"I think so too," Kirsten said. "I'm sorry I was afraid of you, Pegleg Sally. I didn't realize how special you are."

Pegleg Sally didn't say anything, but Kirsten knew she understood.

And Kirsten sat down to read a story to her new friend.


Next time (unless I update before, say, 5/19 or so)...an explanation for this:

On to 5.17.06

Back to Index